What it’s like to stutter
Drawing without using reference is one of my favourite hobbies. Struggling to pull an image out of the depths of my mind, like a fierce fish fighting for freedom. Reeling and reeling, until the moment when the fish bursts out of the still surface of the water, when the splash from the water blankets me as a sign of impending success. The rod sways unbalanced from the weight of the catch. The line could snap now, so I’m careful as pull it in and release it onto the paper. I look at the art of my creation as something new, something I haven’t seen before… but the image feels familiar. I conjured this from my mind.
Getting something in your mind onto paper is a difficult process. You can’t really focus on parts of the image in your mind. It’s like imagining a line between two points, and then trying to focus on that line… but you can’t, because it’s not really there.
The frustration that you feel when you’re trying to imbue your imagination onto reality, but just can’t get it to look quite right. The relieving catharsis when you achieve a sense of familiarity with your creation. That is what stuttering is like.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Are there certain things that make you stutter?
There are many factors, with a large grain of randomness. Getting too little or too much sleep makes it worse. Who I’m talking to makes a big difference — large groups or people who I spend a lot of time with will rarely hear me stutter. If I spend a lot of time talking, I will stutter less over time. If I spend a lot of time not talking, I will stutter more. Some words are more “high risk” than others, in particular hard sounds like the C in Computer Science. -
I know what you’re trying to say, but you can’t get it out… should I say it for you or does that offend you?
By all means, speak up. Be my autocomplete. In fact, it’s easier for me to say a word after hearing someone else say it. -
What causes stuttering?
There is no conclusive answer. There are also various types of stuttering, most of which people grow out of after some years, and some of which you can train yourself to circumvent. There is definitely a large psychological factor, since I can speak to myself completely fluently. But there could just as easily be hard-coded physiological or neurological factors.
More questions are welcome.
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I have another friend whom I haven’t seen for awhile also has the stuttering problem. I’m not sure if he’s done anything to improve it but just so you know you’re not the first person I’ve met who has this problem :)
I started stuttering one day in grade 2, all of a sudden, trying to read a book about Alf that started with “When” (Alf rules). I’m still bothered by things like Computer Science and Etobicoke, and being interrupted midstream (a huge pet peeve); it’s not super noticable these days but it’s still really annoying when it happens.
OK, I do have some questions!
Is this something that you live with as far back as you remember, such as being left-handed? If not, when does it start? And is your case similar to most others?
Is this language-independent? That is, if one stutters in a language, will he or she stutter in a different language too?
All of the factors you mention (sleep, particular sounds, etc.) make sense to me, except one. You say that in large groups you stutter less. Any idea why this is the case?
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Hmm apparently the blog didn’t like my using doublequotes back there.
My last question was, does training on your own the same words or lines over and over again help when you’re talking to a stranger? Does it have any effect?
Sorry if some of these questions are too naive. Thanks for sharing!
Jorge:
Is this something that you live with as far back as you remember, such as being left-handed?
I’m told that I did have some small stammering from when I first started talking. But I also remember there was a period in my life (few months, maybe a year during kindergarten) when I didn’t stutter. Though I could have imagined that. That said, it’s not exactly a natural sensation as being left-handed feels to people who are left-handed. When I speak and happen not to stutter, it feels like being right-handed and using my right hand for writing — it feels good and natural. When I do start stuttering, it feels more like using my left hand while being right-handed.
Is this language-independent?
Yes, for me it is language independent, but different languages have different distributions of sounds… so some languages are a bit easier to speak than others. Sometimes when I speak to my family, I will interchange words that are hard to say with equivalents in other languages that they understand (Russian/Hebrew/English).
You say that in large groups you stutter less. Why?
Frame of mind, I suppose. It’s not always true, but I just gave that example to counter peoples’ common perception that nervousness and public speaking is the primary cause for stuttering.
Does training on your own the same words or lines over and over again help when you’re talking to a stranger?
Not at all. Not for me, anyways. It’s a commonly suggested technique, so I’d imagine it works for some people, but it’s always futile for me. I can usually predict what word I will stutter on, and no matter how many times I practice it ahead of time, I will still stutter on that word. For someone who doesn’t believe in the inevitability of fate, this can be quite disconcerting. :-P
Thank you for the questions!
Andrey. Actually, I remember a point when I was really young where I would stutter! Maybe between kindergarten to Gr 1 or something, but obviously it\’s not an issue to me any longer. I think I use to stutter with words that start with a certain character/sound, like \’d\’, \’w\’, \’t\’… Is that the case with you as well?
Wow, thats actually good to know. I was always afraid of completing your words. I thought it would be rude. I had a friend that had a stutter and he hated when people finished his sentences or words.